Non-verbal communication is powerful.
We often think that the majority of our communication happens with what we say, but that is not true.
We scream with our body language, while we shut up.
Non-verbal communication is so underrated because it happens unconsciously. But as I said in the post “Everything is Communication” you cannot not communicate. Your body language gives you away.
An example
Let me give you some examples from my clinic:
A patient comes in and tells me that they suffer from frequent ear pain. While they say this, their left hand briefly touches their ear.
So I reply: Am I right that it is your left ear, that bothers you?
They always look astonished: How do you know?
It was their small, unconscious gesture, that gave them away.
Why is that?
Non-verbal or body language is powerful. It constantly happens.
It can be more accurate than words because it is rarely filtered. Reading body language provides you with access to raw data.
We live out our statements. We send the message on all levels, verbal and non-verbal, e.g. with our body language.
What is the consequence?
As a healthcare specialist and communicator, we need to learn how to “listen” in the level of body language.
Body language and children
This is especially true when our patients are children. In the post “The pre-verbal child is not heard” I emphasized that even pre-verbal children speak with body language.
They might not say a single word in the examination room because that place is too frightening, but they do let you know no verbally, what they need.
What are the “words” of non-verbal communication?
The two basics “words” are space and height:
How close we are allowed to come and how tall we make ourselves in comparison to our patient.
Another “word” are the numbers of participants of the encounter:
When I enter the patient room alone, that message is different from the occasion when I enter with a group of students.
When the health care provider outnumber the patient, the power-balance is immediately shifted away from the patient.
Another significant “word” is body tension:
Here, we look at the range from being in a completely relaxed state to rigid tension in the other extreme.
As you can see, those “words” are very unspecific, but they convey a general attitude, an atmosphere a tone.
What do we do with this?
The very first step would be to practice tuning in.
To start to become aware of my own body message:
- How tens am I?
- Am I distracted?
- Am I really mentally at this moment?
Because, when my words contradict my non-verbal signals, the patient and parent will believe my body-language more, than my words.
This is what the Mehrabian formula says. The recipient of the conversation takes their clues about the content to 55% from the body-language, to 38% from the tone of our statement and only to 7%from our words.
Non-verbal communication is powerful.
What about the patient?
After we have learned to become aware of our own body language, we can start to “Flip the image” to consciously imagine, what the current body position of our patient communicates:
- The way they sit.
- The way they place their hands.
- The way they look at us or not.
- The small gestures.
- Their body tension changes, while they speak.
- The moments of eye contact or avoidance.
My go-to translator is the following: If I sat, talk, look like this … what would I feel?
And then I try to verbalize this feeling or any arising thought.
I check my idea about, what they are telling me by asking: “Am I right….” or “Do I understand correctly…” or “It is the case that …”.
What happens then?
When we verbalize the non-verbal part of the communication, we shift the balance of the power. We literally empower the patient (and their parent) to share anything, they initially can’t put into words, but can only communicate without words. They get the chance to put their story into their words.
In a nutshell:
Non-verbal communication is powerful.
We would need to learn to “read” this to gain insight about this level of the ongoing communication.
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