The pre-verbal child is not “heard” but “seen”
We often assume that most of the communication is done verbally.
Actually, the majority of our signals during any interaction are non-verbal.
This knowledge is not yet widespread, although proven.
In my experience, children are typically silent in my office because they tend to be intimidated by the situation. But even though we cannot hear a word from them, that does not mean that they are not communicating.
Do no-verbal children speak?
Jeanne Magagna has dedicated a whole book (“The silent child”) to this concept for a broadened understanding of children’s communication. They might be verbally silent, but might scream non-verbally at the same time.
The pre-verbal child is not “heard” but “seen”.
What does this mean for me?
When a pre-verbal child is involved in the doctor-patient-relation, this discrepancy has a significant effect.
As healthcare professionals, we often only turn to the parents to get the consultation done.
The child is frequently more passively handled rather than involved.
They are the recipients of examination and treatment during the time with the medical specialist.
And everybody hopes that they just keep quiet for now.
What else?
In my opinion, this approach shows a missed opportunity.
Let’s imagine that we acted in the same way towards another adult:
- not asking for permission before procedures
- disregarding their personal boundaries and just going on
- restraining and overpowering them to get things done
Our bedside-manners would be considered disrespectful and as a violation of their personal integrity.
To the recipient of those acts, they would feel like torture!
That looks bad.
You might recall, that I wrote previously that the examination chamber, looks like a dungeon to them.
This is why!
What is the alternative?
This scenario leads to the following questions:
- Can we “hear” children’s non-verbal contribution to the consultation?
- Could we facilitate their cooperation for their health?
We need to strike a balance here:
On the one hand, we need to maintain charge of the consultation
At the same time, assure that the non-verbal voice plays an active and contributing role.
The pre-verbal child is not “heard” but “seen”.
Does the pre-verbal or non-verbal child speak?
Yes, even pre-verbal children ”speak”.
Their instrument is the whole world of non-verbal communication. Their body posture (open or closed), head orientation (towards us or turned away) and eye interaction (interested, staring, or avoiding) speak volumes if we only would “listen”.
In this case, we would have to learn to “listen” with our eyes, e.g., analyse the body language as we see it.
Sounds complicated?
There is one big advantage in the interaction with children; they don’t lie with their body language. That concept is typically not available in non-verbal communication in general. The younger the child is, the more obvious they let us see their mind. They express it with their entire body. They let us know if they can and want to cooperate, or if they are afraid and would love to run away.
In a nutshell:
To “hear” non-verbal communication, we need to be “all eyes” and not only “all ears”.
The pre-verbal child is not “heard” but “seen”.
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